He flies through
space and time, mostly England
(and Wales), in a Deus Ex Machina,
with his Deus Ex Machina
screwdriver/magic-wand thing at his side. Battling BBC costume department
cast-offs from the 70s.
People look back on the old episodes
of Doctor Who’s with nostalgia,
and laugh at how terrible
the special effects
were. But the special effects
are terrible now; they wouldn’t
get on American
television, that’s for sure.
It has some quite cool high concepts
every now and again, but the storytelling
is awful: the exposition is clunky, so clunky; they virtually stop mid-episode to explain what is going on.
I don’t think the young kids are going to like this new, old Doctor anyway.
Maybe he’ll get regenerated sooner
rather than later,
maybe even as a non-white,
non-male? Although this wouldn’t stop the show sucking.
But does it matter that Doctor Who is awful?
The fanboys and fangirls like it, so why not just let them be? After all, they’re not hurting anyone
- are they?
Well, they are hurting television.
Because the fans support the show like they are supporting a sports team: with zero objectivity. Worse than that, they wantonly
ignore, and justify,
everything wrong with the franchise:
they turn a blind-eye to diving in the penalty
area, plot-holes in the episode,
shirt-tugging, outmoded CGI. Biting, sucking.
They revel in the tradition,
each doctor like an historic
team from an era gone by; battling derby day Daleks.
Well, you damn nerds, TV shows (or movies, or books, or videogames or whatever) are NOT sports
teams. And supporting
them through thick and thin when they’ve
got no one to play against means they can suck, and never have to improve.
What if Manchester
United, or the New York Yankees, or whoever, didn’t
have to play anyone; and we just took the word of their fervent
supporters that they were the best? In sports, there is genuine
completion: an answer
to who is better, at any given time.
 |
| “Timey-wimey.” |
This is why fandoms are bad generally,
and the Whovians
(urgh), are the most poisonous
of all. Because
they are lowering
the standard. Instead
of storytelling; you get overbearing
exposition, instead of character depth;
you get bow-ties
and catchphrases. Fan-service
becomes the focus of the show, and that would be less irksome if Who was buried away; but it isn’t: it is prime-time,
a flagship, and holding it up as an example
of what a good TV should be is one of the major reasons
why Britain is so far behind America
in the quality
of their television.
Doctor Who: 1 Star (out of 5).
The theme tune is boss, though:
Dun duh-dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun.
Weee-oooo! (dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun).
Weeeeeee-ooooooo! (Dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun duh-dun
duh-dun duh-dun).
Weeeee-oooo-weeee-oooo-weeee-ooo-oooo (dun duh-dun duh-dun).
 |
Come along, Pond.
|
