"One of the most complex and costly CGI re-creations ever.” This is the absolute pinnacle of special effects, the cutting edge.
It looks shit.
An animated actor, playing the same character as Peter Cushing (now deceased) did in 1976. Playing a slightly younger Grand Moff Tarkin, even; since Rogue One's setting leads up to the events of the first Star Wars (Episode 4).
CG Tarkin kind-of looks a bit younger than the original character, but he also doesn't really look any less dead than the original actor.
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| Cushing disappointment |
You first see the back of his head in the shadows; and a face, half-reflected in a window - and you think: 'ok, that actually looks like him.' With the smoke and mirrors, you can believe in the character.
And then, he turns around, into the light.
And he looks shit.
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| Keep Tark in the dark |
I mean, you can tell who it is supposed to be. But you can also tell it is not a human being.
Are we, as a collective audience, supposed to pretend this doesn't look rubbish?
This is the Emperor's new clothes.
What we have here, is a bunch of fanboys, doing their fanboy thing; pretending that their precious Star Wars doesn't have a massive, obvious flaw front-and-centre.
And the critics aren't helping none either: "The effect is remarkable, if uncanny, and the technology is breathtaking." (Joseph Walsh, The Guardian).
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| 'The CG character doesn't look shit.' |
This isn't a dig at CG characters; K-2SO shoulders most of the humour and emotion in this movie single-handed.
But when something looks awful, you shouldn't pretend that it doesn't.
With the sad passing of Carrie Fisher, we are looking at the very real possibility of a CG Princess Leia on our screens for Episode 8 (and beyond); a computer generated corpse puppet. As they say in the Star Wars: "this gives me a bad feeling".
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| 'Does Tarkin look under the weather to you?' CGI. 'Ooh, my cousin had that.' |
Rogue One has shown that computer graphics are at such a level of sophistication, that we can suspend our disbelief and see a reflection of a familiar character in the shadows. But don't put them stark-bollock naked in the centre of the frame, and tell me that I'm not looking at Grand Moff Tarkin's wrinkled old meat-saber.
Rogue One Grand Moff Tarkin: 1 Star (potentially, franchise-ruiningly shit).
Oh, Rogue One is ok (3 stars). If you thought Episode 7 was frivolous then this is for you, since it is 'dark'. That's what you like, isn't it? Empire Strikes Back was dark, and that was the best one.
Lots of fan service as well - 'ooh, R2-D2 just rolled past.' Yeah, that's what you like.
What are Star Wars fanboys even called anyway? Warsies? Starsies? Brodas? Bobba Fettishists? Fando Calrissians?
To my mind, it remains criminal not to put a laser sword in Donnie Yen's hands; but, as the great man himself says: "I don't think you would ever let anybody else swing a lightsaber in the future. I'd set the standard so high. I'd drop the mic." Also, he wanted a rainbow lightsaber, and I'm not sure my mind could cope with that.
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| Winning the Star Wars |
I will also say that the score is beautiful, even for a Star Wars movie it is majestic. Best Star Wars music ever.
There we go, end on a positive.
