Ah, the monolithic
beauty of the Oreo,
the Yin of cocoa biscuit
and Yang of vanilla
cream.
The Oreo is the greatest mass-produced
cookie known to man; of this, I have no doubt.
And it is seldom imitated,
in the UK at least.
But now, that most British
of institutions, Marks and Spencer have released the Simply
M&S Cocoa Vanilla Cream
as shameless an Oreo rip-off
as you could ever witness:
The temerity!
Yet despite being produced by British stalwart
Marks and/or
Spencer the imitation
Cocoa Vanilla
Cream is even closer to the classic
American Cookie archetype:
It has a slight softness
as you bite into it, making it the closest
store-bought cookie to the home-made
cooling-on-mammas-window-sill ideal.
This slight softness,
of course, makes it entirely
unsuitable to the act of twisting the sandwich halves
apart and licking
the cream side clean; the Oreo’s pièce de résistance.
The Oreo
consists of two robust discs,
so sturdy they could be separated reliably
by the fumbling
robo-fingers of a drunk Daft Punk
at a corporate
teamwork-building retreat; where bass-punk is the describing
eyes and drum-punk
is the unsighted
arms reaching around.
The SM&SCVC however requires
the delicate precision and soft
hands of an infant surgeon,
lest it crumble
back to the cocoa powder
from whence it came.
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The imposter is even darker
than the original,
or at least darker than the UK manufactured cookie;
further research is needed to compare to the USA version - made with Dutch-processed cocoa,
which makes the cookie as black as the night.
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For the twist,
the lick, the milk/coffee dunk; the Cocoa Vanilla
Cream boasts no competition whatsoever.
And yet the imposter is a dark, delicious alternative.
If you desire
a less ritualistic
cookie experience seek out the Cocoa Vanilla Cream.
Or just cram the Oreo straight
into your mouth.
They both get 5 stars.
I love cookies.
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STOP PRESS - M&S
Oreo imitation packaging
changes to blue, thereby being even more a blatant
imitation.
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STOP STOP PRESS – Oreo Ice Cream, it was ok; it was quite plain.
You’d be better
off getting a decent vanilla
and smushing a pack of Oreos
into it.
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STOP STOP STOP PRESS- This Oreo cheesecake cake (!) is taking over the internet, check it out at the fabulous Erin’s Food Blog: http://www.erinsfoodfiles.com/2012/03/oreo-cheesecake-cake.html
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